Further to the reflections that Heather McCain shared at their presentation to Fierté Canada Pride mentioned later in this blog, Heather sent the following letter to Vancouver Pride Society in April. They have yet to receive a response.
“I wanted to bring VPS’ social media posts to your attention. On both Instagram and Facebook, Harmony was shown by photo and image description as last year’s Grand Marshal. This was brought to my attention by someone who shares my identities (fat, disabled, and neurodivergent) and frustrations about the bias I seem/seemed to experience as Grand Marshal.
When I was told about being chosen about being Grand Marshal, I was excited by the opportunity and how I would be able to represent a combination of identities not often given the spotlight. I was told to expect to do media and interviews (and I heard this from previous grand marshals and parade attendees). These did not materialize. Other than the city hall flag raising, any media was arranged by myself or was pre-Grand Marshall decision mentions based on the parade route/festival location changes.
I did not say anything at the time. I decided to focus on the positive as there were many highlights from being Grand Marshal and the accessibility changes. I really enjoyed being in the parade, getting to see the new route, and how many more disabled and neurodivergent folks could attend, having my kiddo in the parade with me, and hearing from so many people who felt represented. I did privately wonder about the slights. And I fielded questions by people, who shared one or more of my identities, who questioned whether the lack of media was due to any of those identities.
I even recently addressed this during my Fierté Pride presentation when I shared for while there was gained appreciation created by the accessibility improvements, there was also lost support by the nearly non-advertising of me, including within coverage of the parade.
I regret not saying something as there does appear to be a continued pattern that does trouble and sadden me. While I don’t require recognition (and feel incredibly awkward in saying I didn’t get enough attention), I do feel like it speaks to a deeper problem that needs to be addressed.
Tonight’s social media posts in which Harmony is shown in photo and caption as Grand Marshal feels very much like erasure of me, my role, and my accomplishments. Harmony is certainly deserving in her own right and should be celebrated but not in the role I was chosen for. I’ve cc’ed Harmony on this email as she has been supporting me as I process my disappointment.
After writing out several versions of a comment in response to the social media post, I simply went with a request for a correction of the caption. The correction was made in a timely manner. However, Harmony’s photo should not have remained on the post. Honestly, I felt this slight more keenly than seeing the initial post. I couldn’t help but think of all the comments made about why I might not have been highlighted as Grand Marshal.
When harm has been done, I try not to assume or guess things I can’t know for sure but it naturally happens as one tries to make sense of the situation. The erasure of even a mention of my name and no change to the photo of Harmony, left me wondering if VPS has any photos of me as Grand Marshal. If they do, why weren’t they used? If they don’t, why not? Is it because I have an evident disability, because I use a walker, because I’m fat, because I asked for a truck instead of a convertible (to have room for my walker and to better fit my butch identity) or a combination of all? The “correction” that changed the caption to properly identify Harmony but kepy her photo, erased all mention of me and seems to confirm a bias exists.
I am used to prejudice, bias, and judgements about my weight and appearance but this did hurt on multiple levels. Something that was meant to celebrate me and my achievements managed to invisibilize me. It being done by community, where I should feel safe, welcome, and celebrated, stung. Overall, I thought I had dealt with it and moved forward. The post reiterated that it was not over.
I email you not because I think you can rewind time or change things but because my not being explicit about this now feels like complicity in a bias that myself and others have noticed. And I trust that you will hold space for what I am feeling and seek ways to ensure no one else experiences the same.”